All I Want for 2012 is....Guest Blogger - Deidre of Decoybetty fame.

Well hello, Ruby’s blog! I’m (not) Deidre, and I blog over at Decoybetty.

Let’s talk about 2012.

I read this post over at Living Apockylypse about creating a word to sum up how you’d like to live in 2012.  Hers was Unprocrastinate which is obviously a fantastic choice.

But for me, the queen of grudge holding, I need something a bit more…releasing.

Letgive

See, the thing about me is that I hold on, madly clutch if you will, to dreams and experiences, not to mention wrong doings far longer than it does me any good to hold onto them. And it’s not necessarily what other people do to me, although that happens too.

In 2012, I’m hoping that I can get better at letting go and forgiving.  Sure, I understand theoretically that everything is NOT going to go my way (the nerve of it though, really) the practice of accepting that is just not something that comes to me naturally.

There are three things in particular that I need to letgive in 2012.

1. Jorge. It is an all consuming part of my life right now: endometriosis.  I’m scared of the surgery no matter how many people tell me it “is not a big deal.”  I beg to differ.

I’ve also spent the last 6 months living with this incredible pain, huge mood swings, grouchy pants (I wear them like they never went out of fashion, and trust when I say they do not look good on me). And so, when February 7 rolls around, and I give myself some time to grieve the loss of Jorge recover from surgery. I want to be able to move on. I want to be proactive in finding ways that this won’t happen again, and I want to letgive myself for being a giant bitch for the entire time he was growing inside me and let me be me again.

2. Our Wedding.  Inspector Climate and I are having a wedding in the US in September.  It is not going to be how we imagined it, some of those things I’m a bit sad about, and others will probably make the wedding a better party.  Most of the letgiving here will have to be towards my mother. My mother who has taken the planning on all herself, for which I am mostly grateful, and seems to disagree with every decision that Inspector Climate and I make.   I fight her on some and let her have others – but regardless of the outcomes or the compromises that are made, I must keep the following in mind, I get the opportunity to recommit to the man I love. So what if I’m not wearing the dress of my dreams, having the food be 100% food I can eat, at the time of day I wanted to be eating, I mean honestly who cares? Just letgive and remember what matters, I love him.

3. Unemployment. Oh, unemployment. I’ve been unemployed for the majority of the last two years it seems (which is a lie, but with only short term contracts or positions I knew I didn’t want to stay in permanently, looking for jobs is all I know).  That much job searching, that much answering “I’m unemployed” to people who ask what I do, it takes a toll on the self esteem.  I’ve learned going into interviews desperate doesn’t look great, I don’t need a job to define who I am (I do need it to pay the bills though). I need to forgive myself for all this unemployment and heartache – just let it go.